It was around midnight on a Saturday and I was studying when a thunderstorm got my attention. If you have been raised in India, you know what happens next. The electricity went off! My parents were visiting my grandfather over the weekend and I had the house to myself for a quiet studying session. As most of my study happens online, I was disappointed with not having portable wifi. Sitting in my room with no wifi, no social media apps (I uninstalled them to focus better), no friends to call past midnight, I thought of checking out some emails. I don’t check my mail every day and I don’t expect there to be anything exciting on there either. But I was about to be surprised.
There it was! 4 new messages from Linkedin.com. I had gotten 3 job interview messages that were dated about 2 weeks back and I replied to them immediately. Then I opened a rather strange message from some “Aman Gill” and the subject read “ trying to find you .” The name did not ring any bells and neither did his picture, but he was quite attractive looking. His profile said, works at Indian AirForce. Curious to know more, I read his message dated a week back. It said,
“ Hey! Hope you are well. Just wanted to message you and tell you what an amazing time I had talked with you the past few days. It’s strange how much we have in common and how good it feels. Just wondering why you deleted your bumble profile? I am not on any social media apps and LinkedIn was my only option to get in touch with you. Hope to hear from you soon. – Aman Gill”
He got ghosted good! was my first response after reading the message. It was stalking that made him find me, and the truth was, I was not the one he was looking for. Then I replied to him,
“ Hey! I guess this message was supposed to be for someone else, I have not been on any dating apps in a year. I am sorry, I guess I am not the Cinderella you are looking for.”
He responded immediately, “ hahaha you are funny. I guess I was left in the cold. I kind of hoped this was her profile, I don’t understand why she would do that. “
I thought to myself, I don’t know why people ghost! I have struggled with getting closure myself. But I cannot make his story mine, I barely even know him. But it’s interesting to know that people who look like him get ghosted as well.
It seemed that it was his first experience of getting cut off because anyone who has been in the dating game knows to never text back again. He on the other hand is looking for her on Linkedin, that is so sweet ! or crazy? Then I snapped back into reality and focused my attention back on my notes. But then he sent me another message.
“ Do you want to connect with me?”
It wasn’t unexpected, often people who get ghosted look for immediate distraction. So that they don’t have to accept or process rejection. I know, I have done that.
“Thank you for asking Aman, you are sweet but I am not interested. “ I meant it, even though I was feeling lonely, I knew he was vulnerable and it would not be the best thing to do. I believe, hurt people, hurt people. I was in no place to be emotionally wrecked.
“ Give me a chance, One conversation? At Least let me try to see if the shoe fits, Cinderella”
My reaction was, why would anyone ghost him? He is witty, smart, funny, good-looking, kind of creepy but that’s just part of his charm. Clearly, I liked the attention and the electricity was out so it seemed fair to give him a chance.
You know how you have this dream checklist of the person you would want to date. I never thought I would meet him, but Aman was almost there. He had a deep voice and talked with a hint of shyness. We had a lot in common and a few mutual friends. We talked about how we spend our days and our hobbies, our dreams, our dating experiences and we both agreed that connecting over LinkedIn this way is just crazy. It just felt too good to be true. A gentleman who asked fun and appropriate questions, subtly flirted, not overstepping, and interested in me. He sounded perfect! He wanted to know more about me without even seeing my picture. “ A gentleman never asks for a picture or the girl’s age, it’s rude,” he said. My friends know that I like to test people before making friends with them and this seemed like a good opportunity so I said, “ How about I share my picture with you if you can guess where I live.” I gave him 2 hints but he couldn’t guess it right. I was more disappointed than him. The electricity came back while he was still guessing and I had to cut the call. I slept with a smile on that night.
I woke up to a bouquet of white lilies and a text message from him “Can’t wait to see how beautiful you look.” I was shocked! What a stalker! Then I called him.
“ Hey! Hope you got the flowers, I sent them to 2 other houses. I was up till 4 using google maps and searching for a church near the library “
I was confused.“ wait, the library wasn’t in the hints!”
“ Yes I know, but you told me you study at a library near your home and you walk on your way,” Aman explained. He was paying attention when I talked about my day. It doesn’t seem much but when you have not been treated well in past relationships, these things are cherished. He gave me butterflies every time I talked to him and he was almost perfect, almost.
He ghosted me 3 days after sending the flowers and I did not get any closure. I replay this story in my mind, trying to figure out what happened and why he turned cold. He left as surprised as he came and did to me the same thing he endured. He stayed fresh as long as the flowers did. But the ‘why’ lingers on. Maybe it’s the shoe, it just wasn’t for my foot, thus it did not fit.