I came back from work and found my mother lying down straight in bed. Mom always welcomes me with a bright smile, when I came closer to her I found her forehead burning up with fever. It was strange, she was just okay a few hours back. So I immediately documented the fever and it was 103 F. Without delay I called up the laboratory and asked a staff member to take my mother’s blood sample. She could barely move and was starting to feel uneasy in her abdomen. The pain kept on increasing in intensity and was radiating towards her back. Being a doctor myself I know it to be an alarming thing as one of the organs might be involved .I was suspecting a lot of things at the time but was confused and my judgement was clouded by how much pain my mother was in. Had it been any patient, I would have made a plan of action and would have executed it well . Here I could not. Rather I called up a colleague and asked them for help. The reports had come by that time and they spoke of a serious infection loud and clear. But my mother was in extreme pain. She felt relieved after antipyretics and pain killers but as the night came in, I was getting worried by the minute.
The most difficult thing that I encountered was convincing my mother to go for an ultrasound. Frim in her thoughts, because of fear maybe , she did not want me to evaluate any further. She did not let me have control and would challenge my decision to do anything at all. Patients who are scared are more stubborn and difficult to deal with and my mother is persistent when she wants to be. Honestly we did argue a lot about that! No matter how successful of a doctor I become, my parents are hardly ever satisfied by my knowledge. I was sure she needed to be diagnosed and taken up in a medical facility and did my best to make it seem like her idea so she wouldn’t fight back.
In the hospital I just have to tell the patient and the family members that we need further diagnostic evaluation and they just come to me and agree to it. I am barely ever a part of the persuasion . The assurance, counselling, explanation I had to do with mother was on another level! I forced her to come along with me for 15 minutes for her ultrasound . Meanwhile I contacted my friend who is a radio diagnostician so that she is comfortable. He was too kind and treated my mother well and did not make us wait for long. That’s what I love about the medical community. All the doctors are there for each other. Unfortunately, the reports were not in my mother’s favour and I mentally prepared myself to go to the hospital. I was scared. At that moment I clearly remember panicking. Even felt relieved that at least in the hospital she will be well taken care of and I wanted to share the responsibility now. Feeling not in control made me exhausted.
What happened in the hospital is another story! But when I was alone, making decisions for my mother’s health and the impact it has had on me has been transformative. This aspect I had never thought about. Now the patients I see in the hospital seem rather relatable. Being the doctor I am always in power but the feeling of being powerless and emotionally vulnerable has made me more empathetic towards the families of my patients and if anything has made me a better doctor, more compassionate and sympathetic. I get it now, family brings out the best in you.