To speak or to die? What is your answer?
How many times do we choose the path of least resistance ? The easier thing to do is to keep quiet and to live in timidness. What’s brave and courageous is the other path, the path that has a high risk, where something precious is on line. The path that might lead to rejection or even heartbreak. It is also the one that is least travelled, maybe because the other is the easier one or perhaps, this one is much harder to endure. One of the most beautiful insights that I have had recently is that this path, the one that requires Courage is the one that leads to love, joy and connections.
In the past I had observed that when I talk about the things that excite me, new opportunities, things that require me to take action, I have always used the “But then” approach to them. For example, I would say “I am so excited to watch my favorite comedian perform live next week! But then, I won’t be able to make it because I don’t have anyone to accompany me.” or “I love studying in a library, but then I don’t have anyone to drive me to one everyday” . YES! Those do sound like excuses and I am guilty of this along with most of my readers I am sure . What is it that stops us from doing things that make us excited? Why do we find it hard to ask out a classmate on a date? Why don’t we compliment a stranger on the street for his wonderful shoes? Why don’t we already start a podcast about video games when that has been a lifelong dream? What is something that you want to ask but would rather die?
We all have our ‘But Thens”, and it is only human. Just remember that everyone has similar reasons to not do the valiant thing. And the ones who finally find the courage to do those things will tell you that they risked it all! And would do it again. Life is complicated, we don’t know the perfect way to do stuff. No one does. What we can do is the next best thing to do in our opinion. To share a candid anecdote, I liked a guy in school. He was the captain of the basketball team, tall, handsome, more intelligent than me and a voracious reader. I had a crush on him for months but because of our friendship I found myself tiptoeing around him about my feelings. It was perhaps because of that very friendship that I was afraid to lose it all. Then one day I found the nerve to ask about his favourite book, I bought it the next day and read it in a few hours to create an impression on him. It was because of that one book that I had the first and the best love story of my life. With time I did confess my feelings for him, daring one day at a time. Only to face my biggest fear. He did not love me back the same way I did. It was gnarly at first, I was anguished. But now, I know that only because of my courage I was able to become better friends with him and even though we were not lovers, we shared something which is rare to find. I found bliss because of courage.
Even now, I am afraid to try something new like going on a blind date, eating alone in a restaurant, or starting my podcast. My “But Then” creeps in and I make a list of reasons to not do it and keep myself comfortable. But, I also make another list of reasons why I should do it. Been practicing this thing for a few weeks now and here’s one unsolicited advice from my side, fear of the unknown is real and having anxiety about the consequences is valid. What we can do is take one step at a time, one day at a time and gradually test the waters to eventually dive in deep. Just remember the pace with which you move towards Courage, joy is coming towards you at the same pace. I did this week. I started my podcast after procrastinating for a while. The thought of it has scared me, the crippling anxiety to be good at it (if not perfect) has kept me awake for nights. Then, one courageous Sunday, I recorded a 5 minute audio and published it. I did it! Done! And the fear went away, so swiftly. I felt relaxed and confident because I can alway get better over time and perfection is just a myth. I am proud of myself for fighting myself through my trepidations.
A friend of mine who is the shyest person I know told me that holding back something will start gnawing away at you and will turn the situations more painful as time goes on. So share your feelings and hold space to listen to others as well. Being vulnerable together will bring you a sense of power and triumph. I hope your list of reasons to do it wins every time.