What an exciting title! I am sure you are thinking the same. I listened to a podcast on which Logan Ury was a guest speaker. I was impressed with her theories about people looking to date and that she is the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge (a dating app). According to this fantastic book, which I recommend everyone read, people on dating apps fall under three categories.
- The Romanticizer– A person who believes that a prince charming will come and make this grand gesture that will swipe them off their feet. The people who love love.
- The Maximizer– They are the researchers, the explorers, the ones looking for the right one. Their motto is- Why settle?
- The Hesitator– They are the ones who think that they are not ready to date yet. They are either waiting for the right time or waiting to lose 10 pounds. Their moto is waiting until they are a catch.
This theory blew me away! I do recognize myself fitting at least one of these categories. And then, the book did its magic on me. It is one of my fastest reads of all time. It is very understandable, extremely significant, and relatable. This book will be relevant no matter where you are in your relationship journey. Some human biases are described briefly; you will enjoy learning about them if you are anything like me. Ury has done a fantastic job writing this book, and there are actionable takeaways after every chapter that the author suggests will help us to “Not Die Alone’. Her suggestions about how to date will motivate you to download all the dating apps before you finish reading the book. I did, too.
What I learned from the book:
- Be open to a love different from the one I always thought I’d have.
- Prince Charming does not exist! And even if you find one, he, too, will have flaws.
- Start dating, imperfect as you are. There is too much to lose if you don’t start now.
- Find someone who is emotionally stable and does not exploit your vulnerability.
- Pre-date rituals are essential! And they are for you, not your date.
- Second dates are crucial.
- Pay attention to how you feel during and after the date.
- Date like a researcher.
- Fundamental- attribution error- A bias that makes us believe someone’s actions reflect who they are rather than their circumstances.
- Look for positives.
- Choose the kind, upfront, polite path to reject someone. Ghosting would never do you any good.
- Ghosting makes ghosters feel worse. It negatively affects their self-perception theory.