If I were to ask you a question right now, would you dare to answer it honestly?
What are the flaws you see on your face when you look in the mirror ?
Are your eyebrows too thin? Your smile is crooked? Your double chin? Those moles? The scar mark on your forehead? What is it? What if I were to ask about the flaws you see in your whole body? Think about it. I am making a list in my mind while I am typing this. Or is it just me who thinks like that? So yes! When I look at myself fully, completely, naked ,I see flaws. But here’s the interesting thing, none of the things I tell myself have come from my mind. I never saw those stretch marks and thought they were ugly, I never saw the hyperpigmentations and felt gross, I never thought my scars were repelling. These are the things that other people have told me over the years. When they saw me, all of me, they chose to tell me about things they did not like. Now those things are all I see and can’t stop hating them, hating my own body. I never paid any attention to them before , they were just parts of my body, my life experiences added on to those things. Those flaws that others see are a part of my identity. The worst thing is the same people have also said amazing things to me, have praised my beauty, my body. But that I hardly remember. So whose fault is it? Is it the people who tell me their perspective of things or is it me who thinks that their perspective is the truth? I remember a guy I fell in love with a few years back who saw my flaws and chose them as reasons to not be with me. He told me he read somewhere that people with moles on their faces are unlucky and that he didn’t like it. He didn’t like my face with a mole. He suggested I remove it. I have grown up with that mole, it’s funny how attached I am to things and this one was literally a part of my identity. I wanted there to be one less reason for him to leave me. Desperate for validation, I got it removed. It hurt, it cost money and it left a scar. The guy is not in my life anymore, but my scar is and I have not gotten any treatment to remove it because I don’t hate it, I don’t find it ugly. It’s a memory of my experiences, my mistakes and I am glad I have made them. One of the quotes from a beloved movie ‘Chemical Hearts’ says “Scars are not these ugly things, they are not a reminder of what was destroyed but what is created.”
Similarly, I was born with curly hair and growing up an aunt told me that curls make one look fat and straight hair are a symbol of beauty. This thought has disturbed me my whole life and I have tried everything to get rid of my natural hair. Now that I have barely any hair left, I am staying away from any chemicals and embracing my curls. Can’t tell you how many compliments I receive and none of them have ever said that I look fat. We must not believe people’s opinion as the gospel truth. What’s your story is your truth! Believe in yourself first. About the other flaws, I am in the learning phase and I am choosing to see the beauty in what other people call flaws. I hope my life’s journey makes me fall in love with me eventually.
